ISO man with big snake

Ha! Now that I have your attention, you can get your mind out of the gutter because I’m not some skanky ho. I am being completely literal; I am really looking for a man with a big snake, preferably in the constrictor family. I myself own an 8 ft long Burmese python named “Hoagie”. I’ve had Hoagie ever since he was less than a foot long. So many people seem to be intimidated by large snakes, but I can promise you they make stupendous pets. For example, Hoagie only eats once a month, which means he only poops once a month. He never makes any noise, and when he sheds it all comes off in one long piece. Brilliant! Hoagie is also very affectionate for a snake and has never tried to strangle or eat me. And on more than one occasion he scared burglars away. I love you, Hoagie, especially on those lonely rainy nights.

So I’m looking for a guy that has the same interests as me. Red tail boas, reticulated pythons, Burmese pythons, anacondas, or any other snake that gets over 10 ft are preferred. Not, I repeat, not into venomous species! Those are way too dangerous. If you know the Latin names of snakes or raise your own rats and mice that will get you bonus points. If you are a well respected herpetologist, you probably won’t have to wait for a second date before I’ll want to play with your little serpent, if you know what I mean. Lol! I’m such a slut.

About me: I’m about 5’10, 126lbs, red hair, green eyes, slight harelip, and I have six toes on my left foot(Dad says it’s the remains of my twin brother that died in the womb). I am very cute and posses an amazing talent involving fruit loops and ping pong balls, but it’s a secret until I totally trust you.

About you: I don’t want a whole lot of shenanigans in our relationship. I want to know that if I wake up with night terrors, you will be there to hold me and give me my injection. I’m not crazy so stop laughing!!! It’s not funny!!! Anyway, I like athletic men, if you were a quarterback in college that would be great. Please be over 6’4, to protect me against those that want my downfall. Also you shouldn’t be scared to be handcuffed.